Monday a week ago, I was out for a morning walk before work in the grassy path next to the “moose” path, and I ran into Dusty coming the other way. She and Mike live across the street, and she’s probably the neighbour that we know the best. She asked how Dad was, and I let her know that he seemed to be sliding further into dementia. Now, as fate would have it, she was travelling to Edmonton the very next day to give a talk on how to cope with dementia as a caregiver to a group of AHS people. Dusty is retired now, but one of the things that she did for six years was be a primary caregiver for dementia patients, including her mom and dad. She offered to come over and give the presentation to us so that we would know more about what was happening to Dad and how we all could help.
There was a lot in the talk, but some of the key things that really stuck with me are:
- Dementia is a set of symptoms, not a disease.
- As patients progress, they will be in their own world. You can’t pull them back into yours.
- It’s better to the kind than to be right.
- Patients need respect and a sense of usefulness.
I can think of a few things that I am going to change when I talk to Dad on FaceTime:
- Don’t start the conversation with “How are you doing?”
- Use simple sentences with one idea.
- Join him where he is.
Dusty spoke for about an hour and ten minutes, then stayed for tea and cookies afterwards. It was a nice visit and everybody learned something.
On a happier note, I saw a couple of juvenile moose on my bike ride to work this morning.
How nice of her to do that for you.